The Adoption Waiting Game

    In May 2009 I was asked to put something on paper about waiting and adoption. In the summer of 2009 I completed the following. I've never put it on the Blog or sent it to anyone other than the person that asked me to do it. This week a few things have occurred that made me think it may be helpful to some people. I haven't looked at it or read it since last summer, so I did change a few minor things. I hope it helps in some small way those that are waiting for their precious gift from God.

Hurry Up and Wait

     I used to hate it when my parents would tell me to “hold on” or “wait just a minute”. Now I find myself saying it all the time to my children or my husband. The minute is never a minute; it’s always at least 5 and sometimes longer than that. I never really thought about the word ‘Wait” until I started the adoption process. You want to talk about holding on or waiting a minute, now adoption will test your ability to wait. Most things you wait for have a relatively defined time-line. For instance, my 4 year old wants to know when she gets to start big school and I can tell her that it’s about 1 year away. How about dinner time? You can usually predict how long it’s going to be until dinner within about 15 minutes or so. Of course that prediction would most likely change if you got a dreaded call from a telemarketer or you burned part of your dinner.

     But what about adoption? There is no time table. Yeah, when you’re doing all the paperwork; the foot high stack of paperwork, and the home study, and the photo book, and meeting with the agency Director, you can sometimes get an idea about how long each of those processes will take. But what about after all those things are complete and you’re what I call, “officially waiting”, what do you do then? I remember what I did; I jumped every time the phone rang for about the first 3 months, and I went through many periods of nesting where I would clean constantly, work in the nursery, and buy baby things. I would obsess over the agency website, the agency blog, the agency yahoo discussion group, and anything else I could find on the internet or read about adoption. I would find joy in the stories of people being placed, but I would also wonder why that birthmother didn’t choose us. All these things I did and more during our 14 ½ month wait (official wait). Don’t get me wrong the internet and book resources were wonderful and I got a lot from them, but I found that I could not drown myself in the adoption process and information completely. I had to have time where it was not always what I thought about. Removing myself at times from the adoption and trying to focus on other things was the hardest thing I did throughout the entire journey.

     Along with all the obsessive things, I also did things that didn’t have me obsessing over the adoption. I enjoyed my family, my friends, my church, I worked hard to cherish the time before the new baby. I spent special time with the children I already had. I know if you’re waiting on your first child then this would not be possible, but enjoy your nieces and nephews, your friend’s children, the children at your church. Put yourself around children of all ages as often as possible, you will be amazed at how much you will learn from them and how much strength they can give you just by smiling at you or making you laugh hysterically. I found comfort in my family, friends, church, the bible, and prayer.

What the Dictionary says about waiting…

To expect: look forward to the probable occurrence of

To remain or be in readiness

To tarry until another catches up

To stay in one place and anticipate or expect something

What the Bible says about waiting…

Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

Habakkuk 2:3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

     The Lord's plans for us are always unknown, but through our Faith in Him we can be rest assured that they will be specifically for us and always at the right time.

Written by: Annice in July 2009